Those of you with whom I’m connected on social media know that I had a special visitor for chemo on Friday the 27th – my dad! He flew in from Oregon arriving late Thursday night and stayed through Monday morning. We had a great visit over the weekend visiting with friends, Banner (the horse), and engaging in long rambling conversations about life, health, mindfulness, compassion, and so many other things. Dad probably got some good reading time in too because I crashed every night by about 7:30/8 p.m.
Friday’s chemo appointment went well and once again my bloodwork was stellar. I didn’t see my my oncologist this visit, I only see her every 3rd visit, so didn’t get an official measurement but I can verify that the growths are shrinking. The upside of having a scary fast cancer growing where you can feel it getting bigger as you await treatment is that you also can feel it getting smaller and less organized once the chemotherapy starts doing it’s work. So grateful for scientific discovery and particularly for the discovery that triple negative breast cancer should be treated first with chemo, then surgery, and then radiation. Long road, yes, but the odds of a successful cancer-free outcome are much higher thanks to recent research breakthroughs for this particular, less common variety of breast cancer.
In addition to the happy wonder of being able to feel my tumors dissipate, I am somewhat flummoxed that I still have my hair. I’ve done some googling (this seems to happen in the middle of the night when I wake up for an hour or so, which seems to be my thing now) and it turns out there are a few patients who go through various forms of chemotherapy and don’t lose their hair. Is it possible I’m one of them? Time will tell. I’m still eager to wear my wigs. So there may at least be a short haircut in my future. Once I’m done with 9 more treatments of taxol/carboplatin I will have 4 biweekly treatments of AC, which may prompt hair loss and other side effects as well.
I don’t know why my side effects seem to be relatively mild but I’m grateful. I feel a little bit guilty now and then like I’m not doing cancer right – but I guess there’s not a right way to do cancer just like there isn’t one right way to do anything! People have told me everyone responds differently, so it appears that is true. I’m definitely experiencing abnormal fatigue, am more thirsty, and reminding myself constantly to tune into to my body, e.g. I thought I might do some errands after work yesterday and maybe ride. Instead I got one small errand done, realized I was exhausted, and had the best two hour nap I’ve had in a long time.
One other side effect I have not avoided is that I am super duper sensitive to the sun. Dad and I made a trek to the outlet mall and I got an array of UPF rated shirts (sun protection) for riding and being outside in the summer. Also I got two cute/ugly UPF hats. I suspect I will amass a collection of semi ugly UPF wear. But worth it as I get weirdly red after sun exposure. It’s gone in a day (just has happened on my lower face and my upper chest) but it can’t be good for me. So sunscreen and UPF clothes will be the theme of the summer!
I went back to work Monday and am getting on a regular schedule there which is good. My regular schedule includes working from home on Tuesdays but I will be in the office on M, Weds, Thursday every week. It feels great to be getting into a new routine/newtine. I’m so glad to have colleagues I’m happy to see and vice versa and hope I can continue my physical presence in the office throughout treatment – other than a few weeks around surgery maybe? Who knows!
Thank you thank you thank you to everyone who has written me notes, cards, emails, funny gifts, provided food, sent thoughts, prayers or healing power, dropped off emergency Diet Coke, gave me their company at home or at the hospital, pulled weeds in my yard, or donated leave time to me through Duke University’s amazing Kiel donation program. My heart has been so full of gratitude I think that has to be a superpower to fight cancer too. All of you are helping me in ways beyond what you think you may be doing and I look forward to being able to pay that forward throughout my life.
I apologize to anyone I’ve yet to write back and promise I will start working through some of my personal emails.