It’s a marathon, not a sprint.
I have always thought that analogy was a bit on the trite side. Plus, for the brief period where I thought I might have had some potential in track & field it was in the shorter runs not the distance. The other thing is, in life, the whole thing is a “marathon” and when you are done you are gone. Which, I suppose, is exactly how it went with the first person to run a marathon, he ran 26.2 miles and then he died. My ex-husband liked to use this as a reason why he would never run a marathon, although it was decidedly a tongue-in-cheek statement made during that phase in your 30s when suddenly all your beer drinking buddies take up marathoning and tri-althleting and so on and so forth.
I digress. I have thought a lot this past week about dying and death. About a week ago, a good friends father passed away. It had been a challenging parental relationship with highs and lows of a glamorous sort, and they had been able to reconnect over the past few years as he suffered from several illnesses that eventually took him down. Her father was a larger than life character, and a horse person, so I have enjoyed stories about him and am glad my friend found some semblance of peace with that relationship before he passed. We had lunch last weekend and she told me some more fascinating stories about his life and how it swirled around hers growing up…nothing like my childhood in a small university town in Oregon. I am thinking of her this week as she goes to spread his ashes with some family members around the beautiful horse country of Virginia.
Last Friday evening I learned that a colleague, whom I did not know well but respected and admired very much, passed away after a less than 6 month battle with a very aggressive cancer. Adriane was the first person I spoke to who was either recently treated for cancer or undergoing it – and she was an incredible resource of encouragement and an absolutely godsend sharing her vast knowledge of wigs and eyebrow serums and nutritional suggestions. It was so nice to have someone similarly situated in life, around my age, to talk to and also to listen to as she explained the hardships of her treatment. So when I heard the news, a part of me could not believe it at first, although I did realize that it had metastasized to her brain and thus I rationally knew this was probably happening short of some sort of miracle. Adriane was an amazing woman, great at her job, strong, feminist, beautiful, smart and really in the prime of life. She left behind a husband and a 10 and 14 year old. I know no one ever said life is fair but, seriously? I also know she was in a lot of physical pain, so I am glad that she is at peace from that. I feel a twinge of survivor’s guilt too and I’m not really sure what that is about. I made a donation to the charity her family requested but somehow that seems just like checking a box. So I am still processing this.
In other news this week, I am being bombarded with emails encouraging me to buy end-of-life, burial, and life insurance. So I guess Google is letting all it’s advertisers know that I might die too. Which, in the big picture, is a true fact although I don’t think it’ll be soon! I also don’t think I will qualify for life insurance and burial insurance is a racket!! Anyway, just an FYI if you start Googling cancer or looking at cancer support sites you’re going to be deluged with emails reminding you of your mortality. But really look how happy this pretend family is about their life insurance policy: life insurance ad
So, this is a rambler, but I needed to ramble I guess. My 5th chemo treatment was uneventful and Melissa was great to come with and fetch me afterward after she got Liam from school. I am definitely bald-ish, which is an adjustment because though I love the wigs I have, I don’t want to throw one on to run a quick errand so I’m wearing a lot of ballcaps and I think I startled a friend of mine outside the Harris Teeter the other day because I’d take off my hat. I think I pronounced, “Hi! And then, I’m bald!” I’m ridiculous, I know. But I kind of don’t mind being bald if my head gets less rashy. Rashy is my latest chemo side effect…so I don’t think it’ll go away any time soon so more wigs, bandanas, silk scarves and ballcaps in my future. Another new side effect is a lovely metallic taste in my mouth. No nausea or other issues yet, the skin thing is the most aggravating since I do want to spend time outside with Banner and even with SPF and UPF clothes the heat and maybe sweat (?) seems to exacerbate my skin irritation. Nothing I can’t manage – as long as I can sleep. Sleep is better but still dicey some nights. As I’m writing right now, I should be in bed, but I’m pretty much wide awake. But the side effect definitely could be much work so I’m counting my blessings.
Sigh…I like to be the fun gal…and this is a sad entry. Just know that I love you all for your support as I go through this process toward healing my body. It is going to be a long one. The cancer continues to shrink and my bloodwork so far is okay. I looked at test results from last Friday that came into my chart today and some blood counts are getting low but hopefully not low enough to interrupt chemo. Fun hair below. Even funner today because I combed it too much and I am sporting some seriously big haar.
I suspect it’s going to get boring when I’m waiting to rest up post-chemo and pre-surgery. Then when I have surgery, well, we’ll see, I’m told I’m supposed to rent a Barcalounger or Lazy Boy because I have to sleep upright for a while so…that’s interesting. You can rent a chair for surgical recovery. That’s just weird. Cheaper than the hospital but where am I gonna put that sort of thing?! Hopefully I will think up lots of funny things to write about when I’m stuck in a chair so I drain and heal right. Gross. Sigh.
I can do this!! Thanks again to all my friends and loved ones.
P.S. My equine therapist Banner was stellar this past weekend! On a trail ride and in a lesson. Great weekend time with him…hoping this weekend I won’t get completely rained out!