Horse Person

People often assume if you ride horses as an adult, you grew up riding. I rode growing up, albeit not very often. Most years maybe once or twice a year. Sometimes a paid trail ride that was a sell oak treat from my parents, or a friend or a neighbor would let me ride one of theirs – as seen below. I even got some riding lessons as birthday gifts and loved every one. There was even a woman in Eugene, Oregon city limits (I remember my surprise at a horse in her yard!) who let a friend of mine and I ride her horse through one of the city parks a couple of times. I did the other horse girl things, read all the Misty of Chincoteague books, Black Beauty, the Black Stallion, every book written about a famous racehorse, collected Breyer Horse models (my dad even built me a stable) and drew up draft blueprints of how we could convert our one car garage into a stall, tack room, and grooming area. 

Needless to say, none of that was in the cards. I got interested enough in boys by 8th grade or so that I’m sure my parents were relieved at the waning of the nonstop lobbying to have a horse join the family. And by then, my parents had been long-divorced and there were quite a few moves and no garage to sketch blueprints for anyway. I digress…
I finally got my first horse when I was 31. She was a giant ex-eventer and a chestnut mare. Apparently, I did not pick up the warnings about chestnut mares since I wasn’t in the horse growing up. At any rate, this giant and expertly trained (for an expert rider) gave me a run for my money at learning how to stay on – and I didn’t help matters by starting her fox hunting which was, of course, new to me and to her as well. Truth be told we parted company far fewer times than should have been expected.
 Aftan, sadly, had a freak injury and I retired her to Georgia to be a broodmare.

Next I found an off the track thoroughbred gelding, Blackie, who had foxhunting experience and not much else. He was a lot of fun to foxhunt. Eventually I wanted to do something more with him. I took lessons with an eye working toward competing, just for fun, in low level horse trials – dressage, show jumping, cross country jumping. Our career comprised of one schooling horse trials. Eventually divorce & attendant life changes led us to part ways in 2007. 


Initially, I imagined it would be a matter of time until I would find a way to ride again. I didn’t think I could really be “me” without it.  Yet I still thought it was strange when people described me as a horse person. I always have bristled at labels & stereotyping Anyway. Time passed, life happened, I had a fairly unsteady period employment wise, went through a few breakups, and moved a few times hoping to stabilize (I forgot how unsteadying moving can be! Especially back and to Oregon and then again to NC.)

Once I came back to Duke and Durham, my life settled a bit.   Whew. Nonetheless, I got busy with work and travel and found my weekends full with social activities or recovering from work trips or going to ball games and work related events. I could not see how I’d ever be able to make horses part of my day to day life again – and I kind of let it go. I gave away or sold a lot of my horse care and hunting things. But I kept my saddle. And, thankfully, after a few more years of occasional rides with horse friends – I found my way back to regular riding. It changed my life in many ways. A strange development in my feet in the fall of 2012 led to 4 years of not being able to run, hike, workout or even walk for exercise the way I had all of my life. Everyone said “swim!” Not only do I not enjoy swimming – I am terrible at it.  I had a recumbent exercise bike and could do some light weights but I never got that endorphin rush again on a regular basis. Then I started riding again. Aha! I had managed to forget what a great workout it is. I certainly hadn’t thought about the fact that it’s low impact. I mean, as long as you stay aboard. This realization was a eureka moment for me and I knew I had to do whatever I could to keep riding in my life – not only for my physical health but for the emotional connection I feel with horses and nature. So yes, yes, I finally realized I am a horse person. 100% 


My personal history of riding horses has been on my mind as I long for the barn and sweet Banner. I wait, sometimes impatiently, for my body to heal. Again. This cancer business has been a brutal journey of chemo, amputation, radiation, reconstruction, emergency surgery, M.R.S.A., rheumatoid arthritis, and a whole heckuva lot of what I try to consider “patient endurance.” Banner has been there for me throughout – thanks to the internet, PayPal, and a major leap of faith.  He has sustained me and kept me positive when nothing else could touch that part of me. And I’ve been lucky to find riders and coaches who can work with him when I’ve been physically unable to do so myself. I’ve learned the joy of watching someone else ride my horse. Something I never comprehended during phase 1 of my horse ownership experience. Now I do and am so grateful for that.  


Throughout the days since late March 2018, I sometimes I catch myself feeling sort of pitiful. When I manage to see my mood slipping and catch it and pause, I remind myself, how blessed I am, even while I sit around uncomfortable, alone, waiting for my body to heal. In many ways the last 16 months has left me feeling I live in a parallel universe. I am eager to get back to work and to being more connected with the world again. In the meantime, I am so grateful to have Banner and riding waiting to support me as I keep working toward my recovery. Even if I have to not ride for a couple months. I am hopeful I will find a way to keep the gift of riding and horses in my life for many years to come. How lucky am I to have been able to see my childhood dreams come true?! ❤️